Singleness is not a sin. 

This summer I have been to my fair share of weddings, showers, wedding related parties, and all the fun things that come along with friends getting married. I especially love getting to see old friends from college that life had its way of separating us from seeing each other as often as we would like. I have had so much fun celebrating all the marriages and engagements of my sweet friends! 

However, at one shower I was at I felt like the outcast being single. Everything was going fine and we were all laughing and reminiscing on college days until we took a picture. Somehow the two single people there (myself being one of them) were on the end of either side of the group and we made a joke about being single; had I known the conversation that would take place because of that joke I would not have said it.

I haven’t been dating in over a year; therefore, I must need a confidence boost…at least according to everyone standing around me. But believe me, I was FINE, it was just a joke. But right after that joke everyone standing there started chiming in with their opinions and advice. “You’ll find the right guy eventually; you deserve someone special; you don’t want to settle; use this time to grow in the Lord” the list goes on and on. The next twenty minutes consisted of people trying to make me feel better and even the groom’s mother and sister (who I met an hour earlier) came up to me and pitied me and tried to give me advice. 

I tried telling everyone that I was okay, I enjoy being single, I’ve been having a great time. But trying to defend myself apparently only made me look more desperately single so I decided to just stand there in silence as 6 people (all in relationships) tried to fix me. I wasn’t broken. 

By the end of the conversation I was so embarrassed and so frustrated. People thought I was sad and lonely and it made me feel like I was being desperate and needy. Any bystanders probably thought I had severe emotional issues and couldn’t cope with being single. Um I’ve been single about 94.6% of my life and I’m pretty positive I’m pretty good at it. But they made me start doubting myself and I started feeling down about being single; because what I gathered from the conversation is that they thought it’s not natural to be single, being in a relationship is better, and that something must be wrong with me. 

In this past year alone I’ve learned so much about myself, gone on several trips to visit long distance friends, planned and put on a pageant, worked three jobs, bought a new car, gained nearly 80 volunteer hours, saved a lot of money, paid off my debts, went on my first real beach trip, and so much more! 

this trip made me so happy.

If I was in a relationship I can guarantee I wouldn’t have done 75% of this. This past year I’ve grown so much in my relationship with God and learned how to be content in Him alone. 

So after that conversation I was really down but after thinking on this God reminded me that He isn’t finished with me and is writing my story. Right now this chapter has me single. And I am okay with that. If tomorrow He gave me someone I would be okay with that but if He told me I would be single until I’m 40 I would be okay with that too. (It might take a little longer for me to accept it and I might be a little sad, but His plan is greater.) Nowhere in Scripture does he say you must marry young; you must have children early; you are disobeying by being single. Nowhere. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not being in a relationship.

Being single is not a sin. 

Brothers and sisters in Christ, we must remember that. Life is not about finding that special someone to marry. It’s about living for the King. Of course having a spouse along the way would be great but only in God’s timing. There is NOTHING wrong with you. I know there will be times that you get so sick of being single and can’t help but feel like something is wrong with you, but trust me there is not. There will be those moments but they will pass. Give it to God. And I know there will be the days when you’re at your lowest and you want to scream at the fourth sweet little lady from church who asks you if you’re in a relationship and gives you a look of sadness when you say you’re single but instead you just smile politely and say it’s okay and jokingly say you’re just going to be a cat lady. Give that moment to God. When your friend asks you…again..about doing online dating and you don’t want to but lose some self esteem at the suggestion, give it to God. On the days the only time a guy shows interest in you and wants to buy you a drink  is when you’re wearing a super low cut, bright purple bridesmaid dress and he can’t take his eyes off that, walk away and give it to God. On the days when you marvel in the beauty of this world and the fun and love you get to experience in it, praise God!

 Brothers and sisters, single or not, it’s all about the Creator. Let Him create the life He has meant for you. The only thing you need in life is Him. I find so much hope in knowing that He has my best interest, for His glory, at heart and has given me my desires for marriage one day. But I know in that I must wait on Him. And I am okay with that. His timing. 

There are days I get down and ask myself what’s so wrong with me that I can’t even get a date? (Y’all. I’ve had two different friends try to set me up on a blind date and both guys are like no can do. I have another date already planned. Talk about embarrassing 😂) But on those days I am reminded of God and that there are better days ahead. Most days are great days and I am perfectly fine with that. 

In the meantime, to the cross I will cling. 

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2 thoughts on “Singleness is not a sin. 

  1. In a marriage-obsessed Christianity, there hasn’t been a lot of love for singleness. Most people don’t need to use all of the fingers on one of their hands to count how few pro-single sermons they’ve ever heard. I think it can be difficult for marrieds to know how to relate successfully with their single brothers and sisters in Christ and so they have a tendency to try to over-correct their message and often get it wrong. For me, I had to leave behind my former denomination to get away from their particular emphasis on marriage. For them, they sort of viewed me as either too selfish to share my life or to immature for God to send to me the one. I’ve decided that if they won’t celebrate singleness, I will. It’s a blast when they’re not raining on my parade.

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    1. I understand where you are coming from!..I often feel like us Christians do focus on marriage and forget about the beauty in being single and all together forget about our main purpose of serving God. I’m guilty of that. But thankfully there is grace and mercy and we can pray for acceptance in all stages of life. The Lord is good! Hopefully we can move in a loving way towards more openness for the single community and help them not feel ostracized the church.

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